I feel as if I’m on stand by
Waiting for an action command
Where do I go?
What do I do?
My days are empty of accomplishments
My failures are winning the battle
My confident is losing the war
I close my eyes hoping for a win
I close my eyes fearing it’ll be the end
My smiles are fake and broken
My depression goes unspoken
I use my mask to protect my soul
For the world is so very cold



I want to feel safe. I want you to think I am special. I savior our time no matter how long or short. I don’t want to ruin your holiday so I’ll be your court jester. I don’t want to harsh your buzz, so I’ll put my feelings and wants on hold. I’ll make sure you are having a great evening, at no cost to you. You’ll be happy and smiling, if it’s the last thing I do. I do not dare ask for anything in return. I don’t want you to feel obligated. No one asked me to make you feel special. So why should I?

Now or Forever

I want you to miss me. To say it without me mention it first. I just want to be held in your arms. Is that so wrong? To want you to run your fingers through my hair as you tell me you love me. I was scared to say those 3 little words. To open my bandage heart to you. I have left myself vulnerable to you so be kind. I always want what I can’t have. So are you never or forever?